Sticking; Not Stuck

by Chew

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1.
02:49
Don’t tell your friends and family that you’ve been feeling strange. Just accept that your odd thoughts ain’t odd; odds are they feel the same. It’s unspoken tension—hard to mention. Unclean dishes, dirty laundry keeps all my attention. “Please keep your shoes on at the door.” “The carpet on this floor seems different; Is it different?” It’s not different. It’s not.
2.
01:36
I can’t remember what I’ve done wrong. It’s been so long since I went walking with your shoes on, but I’m barefoot now, and you’ve run along. Can’t fall asleep— no, you can’t fall asleep on the couch. Fall asleep on the floor.
3.
I fall asleep to a punch in the cheekbone that I saw coming, and the blood always tastes the same, but it never gets easer to stomach. And I’ve only been happy a handful of times, and they were all in the middle of the night. And the night starts to feel like a place that I should stay. You hear the echo of glass down the hallway, but don’t bother turning around, ’cause you’ve done it before and you always get cut picking someone else mess off the ground. And you’ve only been happy a handful of times and they were all in the middle of the night. And the night starts to feel like a place that you should stay.
4.
02:03
I tried to talk to you, but I couldn’t stand to hear your voice or look at you. So I drew myself a picture, and I called it on the phone, and I killed two birds with one stone. I killed two birds with one heavy hearted word— the meanest and the sweetest that an ear had ever heard. I spoke into the air so harsh, I almost hit a third, and I killed two birds with one word. I’ve been told that it’s absurd— I hear a chirp instead of a word whenever you open your mouth to speak. I spat a stone from my beak, and I knocked a bird out cold. Now I’m left in my nest all alone.
5.
03:36
There’s a fowl in the pen— just woke up, waiting ten minutes more to see the sun before he speaks. The dream that he wakes me from, it was the only good one that I’ve had in a couple of weeks. Waking up is hard to do. There’s nothing out here I like. When did day turn to night? When did I lose my sight? When did I lose my eyes? I start talking real mean, and I am pissing caffeine. I can’t sleep— I just dream that I’m asleep. Waking up is hard to do.
6.
Our eyes met filled with expired thoughts and brand new feelings about our surroundings. Darling, you’ve seen so many more things than I have. I wouldn’t mind if you decided to share those sights with me. Darling, I won’t leave you behind again. I can’t leave you behind again. You told me you’d forgotten what the salt in the sea tastes like. You followed me into the ocean. As I waited for the tide to carry me away, you said, “Why not let me instead?” Darling, I won’t leave you behind again. I can’t leave you behind again.

credits

released August 5, 2015

All songs written & recorded by Chris Chew.

Recorded in 2015, mostly in my bedroom & hallway in Allston, MA
Additional recording on tracks 2 & 3 in Malden, MA (thanks, John)
“Waking Up” recorded in 2012 in Cambridge, MA & Branford, CT

For my sister Alli, who was the first to listen to most of these songs

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Chew New Haven, Connecticut

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